Loneliness is…

Right now, I don’t even know where to start. Sometimes, its almost impossible to find the right words. You know exactly what you want to say, but you also know that no matter how hard you try, no words will ever feel right. Some feelings cannot be described. Like love, how would one describe love? love is…I don’t know how best to describe it. But I know for sure that loneliness must be the opposite of love.

Its crazy to love someone that doesn’t love you back, it’s crazy when the person that loves you is one that you don’t love. It’s a lonely place to be. He tells me he loves me…and I can’t find it in my heart to say it back to him. I just can’t. So I look at him and just smile…that sad smile that doesn’t really take away the hurt we both feel. He says I will come along one day, thing is, I don’t think I will. My heart must belong to someone else, or does it? He doesn’t seem to want it that someone else. I asked him if we could talk, he said “sorry not now.” I wanted to just get into my bed and cry, but my pride wouldn’t let me. So I did the next best thing.

I got to talking to all my awesome friends…I asked them to to help me describe loneliness…this feeling that was slowly tearing me apart, this feeling that was making me a walking mess. I wanted to know what it was, i wanted to know how it felt to everybody else. This is what my friends had to say, some of it is pretty interesting;

1. S.O , this is a crazy one, she was also very hangover when I asked her.she made my day when she said “loneliness is Loneliness”, to her, there was no other way to describe it. Made me smile.

2. Ena, said that “Loneliness is a feeling of  missing someone you love.” I’d asked them to think out of the box, I think she just got a dictionary definition. Mad love Ena.

3. Lil, said,”Loneliness is looking a far as people I used to be close to chat and laugh and i’m there wondering what on earth happened to me.” Way to go Lil, I feel you.

4. Hbanjo; “Loneliness is missing the person you are sitting right next to.” Sad isn’t it? her reply was instant, like it was something she knew all too well about.

5. E.N; “Loneliness is being alone in a mammoth crowd.” Thanks for taking some time out of your busy schedule to comment.

6. Ndele, my bro Ndele had this to say, “Loneliness is, me without you,well that’s true like the numbing void irreplaceable with any breath of life or matter in view.” Always trying to be poetic this one. Needless to say, I didn’t really get it, but loneliness like pain is subjective.

7. Mama T; To her, ” loneliness is not realizing your full potential.” You can tell that this is a woman with Goals to be met and so on…

8. Jay had this to say ; ” loneliness is when you think you are committed to someone when she/he is mteja. the person you are calling is not available we have notified them u tried to call….. if you wish to leave a voice message.”

9. R.K  said, ” Loneliness is also being stuck with someone who has all the reasons to prove that you are not meant to be. ” This one hit so close to home I almost doubled over!!!

10. Fay said, “Loneliness is watching the person you love, love somebody else.”

11. Jollybella, ” Loneliness is wanting to pour something where there is nothing left to pour.”

12. T from Canada summed it up for me when she said that “loneliness is temporary.” and I believed her.

To love somebody you know would never love you back is lonely. To love somebody that takes you for granted is lonely. To love somebody you know truly well you shouldn’t love is lonely. To love somebody that doesn’t even acknowledge your existence is lonely. To love someone that is miles and miles away is lonely. The dreadful emptiness that is not caused by hunger deep in the pits of your stomach is loneliness. To bear your soul out only to have it’s contents thrown  back to your face is loneliness.

Three thousand, six hundred and eighty three characters, seven hundred and thirteen words, fifty two sentences later, and I still don’t feel like I did this post any justice. I still don’t feel like I can ever find the right words to describe Loneliness so i’m done trying, but I can rest assured, knowing that at least I tried.