Where is God?

She watched from a distance as we tried to resuscitate him. Attempts to lead her away failed miserably. She wouldn’t budge, she wanted to see what was being done to him. She saw that the attempts were failing, she moved closer, knelt beside the bed and held his hand. Nobody stopped her, either because they were too busy with the resuscitation or because they didn’t have the heart to. Somehow she stayed. She held his hand, not getting in our way. she talked to him. “Gai! Jerry dukakwe, Amuka, Jerry Amuka ni mami Jerry amuka!!!” (“God! Jerry don’t die,  wake up Jerry It’s mummy, Jerry wake up.”)

He was pronounced dead at 3:36 pm.She held onto him. Seated on the hospital floor holding his lifeless body. She was crying, screaming occasionally “Woi Gai  Jerry wakwa amuka.” (“Woi God, my Jerry wake up!”). She shook him, as if that would by some miracle wake him up. she looked at us, with eyes so full of pain. ” Can’t you do something? Can’t you save him for me? I still need him do something! Don’t just stand there and look at me!!!” her eyes seemed to say. we looked away. We had done everything we could. There was nothing more we could do. He was gone.

Four years in nursing school, all those lectures on therapeutic communication and I had nothing to say to her. I didn’t need to be a mother to feel her pain. It was evident in her face. What do you tell a mother that has watched her child die? what do you tell her when her child had been alive and kicking two hours ago?

Protocol required that we take the child and perform post mortem care. But she wouldn’t let go of him. How do you pry a dead child from his mothers hands all in the name of protocol? We let her mourn her baby, we let her hold him. We watched from far as she got her phone and called her husband.”Jerry Nikakwa!! Nikawka!!!” (Jerry is dead. He is dead).

So then, where is God when a mother looses her child? Where is He when she calls to Him as she watches her baby die? Does He not hear her anguished cry?  Is He deaf to her plea for her sons life? Does He even care? Does He cry when she cries? Does He feel her pain? Somebody please tell me, Just where is God???