NOT OK

Some things are just not ok. Not ok at all. They never were they never will be.

  • It is not ok to make fun of people about things they cannot change, things they have no control over like their height, their skin color, their accents, or even their stupidity. (No pun intended some people were born that way.)
  • It is not ok, in this era of technology, to go to someone’s house unannounced. Call, text, send a smoke signal if you must, just let them know you are passing by. Unless of course you are a Jehovah’s Witness and are passing around spreading  the gospel, well then that is allowed.
  • It is not ok to go to someone’s house and take over their computer, ipad, phone or even their remote.
  • It is not ok to go peeping into your neighbor’s windows be it day or night. You want to know what I’m up to or how my house looks, knock and find out.
  • And when I do let you in, it is not ok for you to tell me how to “panga” my house unless I asked for your opinion. You have your own house; feel free to arrange it how you want. There is a reason mine is the way it is. And it works for me believe it or not.
  • It is not ok to use your when you mean you’re, were for where, here for hear, there for their, its didn’t not din’t. I don’t care how you pronounce them, but please just spell them rite. Wait, I meant right. I see a lot of those on Facebook. Uh uh…not ok.
  • And while we are still on this facebook issue, can we talk about how it is not ok to like your own status update, your picture or even your comment? We know you like it,otherwise why would it be on your wall? so please don’t go ahead and “like” it again. that is just like master you know what bating in public. Don’t, don’t.please don’t!?
  • It is not ok to start a chat conversation with someone and then go silent after they reply. Better not start the conversation in the first place. For e.g.

     Me: Hi Jane how have you been?

    Jane: Hi I’ve been fine and you?

It is not ok for me not to reply to Jane, unless of course I have network issues, or I fall         asleep, which I will apologize for the next time we chat.

  • It is not ok to hit on your friends girlfriend/boyfriend ex or otherwise. Guy/girl code applies here. Make use of it.
  • It is not ok to chew with your mouth open. Doesn’t matter what you are chewing. Parents, please teach your kids that.
  • It is not ok to come in between two friends, you know nothing of their friendship,or  their beef for that matter. Just remember, there are two sides of each story, either way, it is no business of yours, stay away. It’s not cool to interfere. Not cool at all.
  • It is not ok to go to church dressed like a whore. Man or woman. The church is not the place to pick up the dudes/chics. Last time I checked they had bars for that. Don’t take your “agendas” to church. Leave your ulterior motives at home. Dress accordingly.
  • It is not ok to share another person’s personal contacts. Telephone number, email address or whatever. If you want her contacts, find her and ask her. Don’t ask me coz I don’t know why she hasn’t given them to you herself.
  • It is not ok to air your dirty laundry in public. Don’t go bad mouthing your husband or your wife. You took a vow, for better or for worse. Remember that. Oh and yeah, we also don’t need details of your bedroom stories. That’s not only “un-ok”, it is disrespectful. Nkt!!!
  • It is not ok for you to copy my assignment. And just because I let you don’t mean its ok. I did not spend sleepless nights just so you can have it easy on the morning its due.
  • And no, it is not ok for you to lie to your parents that you are in school while all you do is party all night and sleep all day. You are not even enrolled yet you say you are in school. “majuto ni mjukuu.” I don’t know how to translate that, but time and tide wait for no man.
  • It is not ok to start a conversation like this, “I wanted to ask you something….” Or “I heard something about you…” and then not finish the sentence. That is just childish, this is not high school. How are you gonna behave like that now?
  • It is not ok to pressure your friends to drink alcohol, even after they refuse, just as it is not ok to hang out with friends as they drink while you remain sober(unless you are driving of course) if you don’t want to drink them stay at home.
  • No! No!  It is not ok to think that Africa is a country, and no, we don’t live on trees. I don’t own a pet giraffe and the gods must be crazy was just a movie. Please just stop already!

This is an addition requested by Jay…(don’t know who Jay is? find out here.)

  • It is not ok to pressure people to get married, neither is it ok to pressure anyone to have babies. Married or not. People have reasons why they wait. They will get married when the time is right, they will have babies when they are ready, and God’s time is the best time.
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Double Standards

This post is being written by a woman. A woman that is way beyond pist so if it doesn’t make any  sense to you, bear with me. I’m venting. Double standards man! I hate them. Hate them, hate them.With a passion. And society is full of them. So full of them it makes me sick. A conversation I had with my friend a few minutes ago:(This was on chat by the way. It has been edited to make sense.)

Him: Can i ask u something,i need your opinion.
Me: Ok
Him: Do u believe wives should drink alcohol?honest opinion.
Me: G****y, it depends…and honestly, I think men have  double standards when it comes to women doing things like that…if a man doesn’t want his wife to drink alcohol, then from the word go he shouldn’t even have a girlfriend that drinks…
Him: I agree. (I wasn’t done yet. He agreed way too fast.)
Melike she drinks akiwa manzi yako(she drinks when she is your girlfriend) and when you marry her you expect her to stop, just like that?haiwezekani.(Can’t happen.)
But this is the thing, kaa hutaki bibi yako awashe basi wee pia usiwashe.(If you don’t want your wife to drink, you too shouldn’t drink.) I mean the same reasons you give to her should apply to you too…that’s what I think.
Him: The question was very simple,do you think a wife should drink?
(And That’s when I lost my cool. He asked my opinion and I gave it to him..and I wasn’t even almost done. hehe)

Me: And I said it depends…that question cant be answered with a yes or no answer eish!
Him: It can,for i think my wife should not drink
The the conversation went on like this for a while. ( you dont want to know all the things I told him.) And Just so we are clear, i’m not saying women should drink. Actually, i’m not even saying anyone should drink. Under no circumstances am I advocating for alcohol. That’s a personal choice. The pros and the cons, weigh your options. The thing that bugs me is the way guys think they can get away with whatever.
They can drink, its ok, they are guys. But no, women shouldn’t. They can sleep around, but when its time to settle down, they want a girl who is well you know. They can cheat, and why not, women let them get away with it. But the minute a woman cheats, pack your bags, I can’t live with a whore for a wife.
Well we do sell ourselves short as women sometimes.And I think its about time we gave ourselves a little more credit. This is not even about equality, because that is not likely to happen anytime soon. At least not any time soon if ever. And I don’t want to get into a debate right now. This is the thing, why shouldn’t we  expect back as much as we give? It’s only fair.
I don’t expect women to go around behaving like men. You are a woman behave as such, just find a way of doing it without selling yourself short. And men, cut us some slack, we are women, but first and foremost, we are human. Stop with the double standards already. Some of them are just ridiculous. And i’m done venting.*Exhaling*

Then and now…

The other day I was talking to my friend, mind you, this conversation was happening online. It started with me commenting on how big her daughter had grown.(I had just received a recent photo.) She responded by telling me how old that made her feel. She said it in a positive way by the way. Then as friends who have known each other forever normally do, we started to reminisce about them days… you know, back when we were young?(hehe).

We particularly concentrated on the age twenty three.(that’s because her daughter was born when we were both twenty three and according to her, that’s when she really grew up.) I asked her what she missed most about being twenty three and she said she missed being able to wear clothes that exposed her flat toned belly. She can’t do that anymore, because the belly is not that flat, she’s a mother!!! She told me she missed twenty three. she had loved twenty three. I told her, I missed twenty three too but just a little. Because,I love what I am now, i’m all grown, I made alot of mistakes at twenty three, some that will follow me for the rest of my life. I miss twenty three but I love now so much better.

If I could go back in time and talk to the twenty three year old me, these are some of the things I would tell her:

  1. Enjoy this body now as it is honey,the weight, the skin, the hair, the energy, the works. Because, it gets worse. Trust me.
  2. Patience, learn it now. Good things come to those that wait.
  3. Cry over a guy if you must but only for a while. Whatever you do baby girl, never cry over the same guy twice.
  4. Don’t be scared to leave someone you know isn’t good for you because honestly, the sooner the better. You deserve the best.
  5. Don’t compromise your standards for a man. He doesn’t like you for you right now, then he never really will.
  6. Come on baby girl, you know better than to be so trusting,especially of a guy that calls you “peaches”.
  7. Don’t tell your “friends” about their cheating boyfriends, Let them find out for themselves. Once you tell them, it is you that will get hurt. And seeing is believing after all. (Notice I said “friends”)
  8. It’s ok to stand up for what you believe. You have a right to your own opinion. The only person you owe it to is yourself. Be real. People never get satisfied, no matter what you do, they will always find something wrong with it. So, do it for you.
  9. Heeeeey!!! Go easy on the clubbing, those clubs ain’t going anywhere, and you don’t need to experiment on everything. You have nothing to prove.
  10. Be kind to your body, it has no spare parts, and fun now, may really cost you in the future.
  11. Pay attention to your sisters, they were there long before you. They know exactly what they are talking about.
  12. Be kinder to people. In life, you never know, this guy may end up being your boss, your hubby, and this girl you are so mean to right now, she may end up being your sister in law. How about that?
  13. Go easy on Social media. Not every single piece of your life needs to be broadcasted there. They don’t need to know what you had for breakfast, where you were last night or every time you are in or out of love. (especially that)
  14. Don’t worry so much. Sometimes things work out, and sometimes they don’t, and that’s ok too. (Refer to number two.)
  15. Love yourself. How will you expect someone to love you, when you don’t even know what love is? Once you know that, then you will  know what your worth is.

Twenty three only lasted a year, but that’s the year I learnt so much about myself. I’d say what my friend said, That’s the year I grew up.(i’m still growing that never changes) I wish I had known those fifteen things back then. But I do now, and that’s what makes now better. This is for you Shelly, you wanted to know why now is so much better.

This month

Its twelve days into the month,twelve days into the new year, and what have i done so far? well here are a few things that i have done, still doing, or planning to do.

Book: Tough times never last, But tough people do! by Robert H. Schuller. I only just begun but i hope i’ll be done by the end of the month.

Movie: Django unchained. I’m so looking forward to watching this movie, i hope it will be worth it.

Song:  Uwezo by Adawnage band Yeah i know, its not a “this year” song, but still,Its the song that’s keeping me going this month. Si this band is making great music!!!

Person: My person this month, mhhh…let me see, tough one. Ok its You. Yeah, you know yourself.

Quote: Tough times never last, but tough people do. Yeah i know, its also the title of the book.

So far so good. I hope this will be a great month. looks promising.

 

 

A breath of fresh air…

That is what Jay is to me. On days when i wake up congested with memories so fresh,memories of things i would rather not remember, memories that make my chest so tight it feels like i’m having an Asthma attack, On days when life has taken it’s toll on me, when it feels like circumstances are squeezing the life out of me and i’m just about to give up, like i’m drowning in a pool of life’s uncertainties, I talk to Jay and just like that, a breath of fresh air.

Let me tell you about Jay and I. So we go way back…back in high school when you think you know about friendship but you really don’t,because in high school, life has not yet taught you its tough lessons. But that’s the thing, back in high school, Jay and I were not really friends. We had a mutual friend and I think that made us acquaintances, and that is what we were in high school.

We met a couple of times after high school. We just met you know, coincident meetings, once in church, another time in town, those meetings were the beginnings of a beautiful friendship. A friendship so pure and true, no wait a minute, its not like we haven’t gone through our fair share of disagreements. Times when we have both disappointed each other, a while back we didn’t even talk. Then with time, we both grew up, and we both became busy, with school, with jobs,with family, with life, and for a while, we just let life happen.

The next time I talked to Jay, we were both in different continents. But I started to notice something, Jay had changed, when a friend you thought you knew starts quoting  you the scripture, something that never to happened before, you go like Whoa!!!this is a whole new person. Do i even know this person? But i like the new Jay… so much more than i did the old one. The new Jay is grown, oozing with confidence,(hehe I just had to say that, oozing with confidence). The kind of confidence,that tells you as it is and trusts that the friendship will last through it. The kind that points you towards God and helps you believe in a higher power, the kind that makes fun of you in the kindest way possible, the kind that speaks up, calls you out on your nonsense when need be and does it in such a  skillful way.

“You know what i realized, humanly speaking we find it a consolation to wekelea someone else our shidaz”  That’s the answer I got from Jay on a day I had been complaining about everyone and everything. When I felt like a whirl wind was closing in on me and I was afraid to breath. It’s not the kind of answer i’d expected, but it got me thinking, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized how correct that statement was. It was not necessarily what I wanted to hear, but it was what i needed to hear. That is how Jay talks, the new Jay,and just like that, I got  my breath of fresh air.

Human error

On that particular Monday morning, the ER was not busy. It was what the student nurses called Benign. They huddled together and did what they normally did on days like that.Talk. “This is the worst day ever. No cases, its so boring.” They murmured amongst themselves. You would think the fact that no one was visiting the ER would be a good thing. Actually, it was a good thing, to the surrounding community maybe, because it  meant they were all safe and nothing drastic was happening, But not to the eager students who were always looking for something new to learn.

They yearned for the adrenaline rush that is often associated with hospital Emergency rooms. They wanted to be able to triage the patients, To clean the messy wounds, they wanted to perform code blue, witness an intubation, scrub into the mini OR and assist the Attending physician. And while they did not wish harm on their fellow human beings, they wanted the experience. They needed it. They lived for it.

They spotted her from afar. She was different. Nothing like you would expect in an ER. she was calm, collected, and although they could tell she was upset,almost angry, she walked with her head  held high. They could tell she was educated. Her presence demanded their attention. Her makeup was flawless, It was obvious she had taken meticulous attention to her dressing.Walking besides her was a man. A young man. Tall, dressed as well as she was only difference was, he walked with his head down. like he bore the weight of the world on his shoulders. He looked beat…Defeated.

The student nurses were hesitant to approach them at first, but their clinical instructor reminded them that it was their duty. Upon questioning, it was discovered that they had been referred to the ER from the Out patient department. Theirs was not an emergency. they were there to receive intravenous medication and since the Outpatient department was packed, they were asked to have it done in the ER.

“Sir, what happened?” asked a curious student nurse while performing the skin test. The lady chuckled and looked away. Not a happy chuckle. It was sarcastic, angry, almost dark if a chuckle can be called dark. For the first time since walking into the ER he raised his head, looked the student nurse in the eye and said “Human Error.”

The Students  were later to discover as they prepared the medication that the couple were in deed married, and that they were in to receive a rather painful medication for a sexually Transmitted Disease. While the pain of the medication could be lessened by being administered together with an IV solution, they opted to have it injected through an intramuscular injection. It would take too much time to administer it intravenously, she said,plus it was to embarrassing, she couldn’t stand being in there that long.

They sat next to each other and waited for the medication. She winced only slightly when she was injected, he toppled over and almost fell, prompting two of the student nurses to hold him and lead him to a bed. She said the pain was nothing compared to what her heart was feeling. She could take the Physical pain a hundred times over if it meant she would never have to feel the betrayal she felt. She sat there and took it like a man, the painful consequence of his human error. She didn’t flinch, she didn’t even shed a tear, she took it all in. They felt her anger, They saw her pain, Sensed that she was hurting, a kind of hurt that cannot be put into words. The betrayal she felt was obvious in her eyes. She had to suffer through the pain, she had to pay for his  human error. And she did it with  her head held high.